Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
