Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
