your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
