nut hugger
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I supernannyed him into submission
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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