Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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