I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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