She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
