Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
