i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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