If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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