I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
