I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
