I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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