drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
