I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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