grandma shit on top of the toilet
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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