Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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