Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
