you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Even my vagina gasped.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
