i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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