drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
