Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
