see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
