i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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