I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
