If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
