Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
