Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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