My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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