There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
