And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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