I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
