New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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