come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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