Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
