Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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