so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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