How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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