Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
