peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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