He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
