i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
