I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I am spending my child support on dildos
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
