Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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