ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just found a bag of teeth...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
