it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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