I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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