my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
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