Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
