It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
