GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
