He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
