I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
