My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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