Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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