Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
