I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
