My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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